Tuesday, March 3, 2015

"At Least You Could Wash My Back"

As most of you know, last week I had a stroke.  So while I am rehab and recovery mode I have had to suspend my wine reviews. (though the doctors have all commented on how clear my arteries are,  good red wine.)  That said, I am always looking for a new topic to write about, and low and behold look what the Lord gave me, not only a topic but a whole venue of experiences.  Lemons  and lemonade you know.
When you have a stroke you lose control of your body, Simple things like giving the finger just don't happen like they used to.  As a person who is always in control this has been extremely frustrating.  Though putting my life in others hands is also reassuring.  When the ambulance got me to the ER, it was reassuring to have a staff of people whose only job was to take care of me.  Rubbing my arm, apologizing for putting needles in my arms, asking me questions and just generally having interest in my condition.  If only it didn't take a stroke to be treated so well.
Once you have a catastrophic incident you have to deal with so many well wishers, but really dd you just say that?  In the hospital more than one person had to ask , " how are you doing"?  Now I know they really are trying  to be friendly , but really, ,,,,,"I have had better days....all in all this is pretty shitty."  A better question, "what about the weather..., always an easy starter... and who really cares what the answer is.
Losing control of your body is one thing, you can fight to get that back.  But, how many of you completely lose your privacy. Everyone knows everything about you.  You do not have a private conversation,  If you need a moment to just cry and be angry there is a horde of people wondering if your mental state is waning. Damnit  I just want to cry and be mad, get over yourselves.  If you see me picking up a knife just be glad that I can pick up the knife.  Your always saying "Look at the positive".  I have always been a private person, having someone watching you try to change and go toilet really rocks your emotion.  You try to pee when you have someone standing over you. Not to mention the showers, here you are stripped down  to nothing hoping for a nice relaxing warm shower.  The person standing in the shower with you says"don't worry honey its all face to me".  Boy, do I feel sorry for her going through life looking at all this face.  And please if you are going to shower with me..."at least you could wash my back".....







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